After a near death experience l decided to confront the inner person n my ;my heart and mind and soul ,with the intention of finding out;”what’s wrong with me?”or ; “what’s right with me?” Interestingly, I discovered,I feared confrontations or what l imagine might lead to any form of confrontation.As l dug deeper into the root cause , l asked myself;WHY? Why is it even when l know l am justified to express myself in a delicate situation,and I know l am or might be right ,do l fear to speak up?
You might be saying that’s not true !Charity is a strong woman.
No! l am not as strong as l thought.Even when l am hurting or l feel my dignity has been violated,and should claim what has been forcefully taken away from me,l cower .l take-off ,l change cities,l change homes,l change jobs,l change my social circles.Even when l should put my foot down and say “Enough is Enough!”l have opted to disappear ,remain silent and bitterly distanced.In some cases ,I have taken the blame and punished myself by taking refuge in excess alcohol intake.
A blaring harsh reality or ray of light showed me point blank:”l fear confrontations!”Why? Mainly because of the traumas of the aftermath.The rejection, or what might lead to a physical fight and l end up battered,beaten or verbally abused,thrown out and discarded.l fear confrontations because when the reality shows up, It will be as l had imagined the truth:”they do not love me one bit!l am to them some sort of gain:material,financial,sexual,a stepping stone ,a boxing bag or a trash bag into which they can spit out their venom and use their vulgar language as they release their steam” .
Yes!in that moment I became vulnerable.I uncovered my fear of the lack of self-esteem .However,I confronted this fear by writing this blog and telling this fear ;”You have no hold over me anymore!”l managed to unblock it.ln my sharing this story of my journey, I invited The Divine Power ;The Light;The Unconditional Love beyond my understanding to come into that space of past and present traumas and to release my fear to say Yes!or No!or Stop!. I am sharing this from a joyful place so that incase you can identify with this ;you may know;YOU Are Not Alone and It Can Be Erased if You Allow it.It is not right for any person to mistreat, abuse,create fear,manipulate or violate another’s worth or value.
Dignity is your birthright.It is your DNA.No one should violate another`s dignity.NEVER!A warning to those who live in this way harming and hurting;way.Remember,nothing lasts forever that is negative.Wounded others are eventually Awakened and you Mr/Mrs/Miss,”destroyer”, becomes the loser,left in a dark hole in anguish and desperation as you search for your next victim only to come out nil since your evil skills have been brought to light.
But it does not have to come to that; this should not be your end.From the bottom of my heart l seek to release you with forgiveness as l embrace you and walk with you..l give you my hand and pray with you,asking that you acknowledge your deeds and ask for forgiveness .Give gratitude for your second chance,second journey into eternal peace.May Divine Grace Unite us as One.
For a long ,long,time l had this tremendous fear to even imagine l can love myself.Everytime it appeared like l am pampering myself l was bombarded with criticism and accusing words like : “look at her!she loves herself too much.”As a result l had this fear to express myself fully. In my dressing or styling l went for general attire like Jeans and tee-shirts and never wore dresses lest l expose my legs which l knew were shapely, inherited from my mother.l even hated the fact that l was light -skinned and always wished l had a dark skin.To counter it all ,one of my secondary school teachers hated me with a passion ,despite the fact that l was one of her best students and even got a 1+ for my fourth form grade.She was very keen to make remarks like:” you think you are special just because you look like a” mzungu “European girl.”
It has taken me many years to appreciate me and be happy for who l am.I took a lot of inner rejection of myself and now l know why l was drawn to alcohol and parties where l could just hide my inner fear by being loud .The inner child in me wanted others to think l am one of the gang, easy to deal with and not this foreigner.The inner person l came to discover had been weakened by hostile comments and self -hatred and bad habits replaced my quiet, gentle,cautious , self -caring me ,becoming someone else.
What am l getting at?I am saying that loving myself was a big challenge.The challenge to accept who l truly am.What l now know is l was born and l still am a lot of love,l am a very loving person.l love nature,l love people,l love the present moments,l love dancing ,l love singing,l love reading,l love giving,l love partying once in a while, but most of the time of the time l love self -time,alone time reading and writing . l have also discovered of late l love sleeping.Yes!Can you imagine for a long time l could not get to sleep especially during the day because l considered it laziness?Can you imagine always wanting to surround myself with loudnesss?But l am glad because l have learnt that when l love me ,l am more alert and conscious of others needs.”Love your neighbour as you love yourself ” is actually a teaching about self-love.
Lets get it straight.There is no biblical teaching that advices us to hate ourselves and love others more than we love ourselves.We are all equal therefore as you share the love,share it to yourself too.As you hug others often giving out warmth and positive vibes hug “you” too.In all this spiritual,personal awakening l finally found me.l realised and now know,l didn’t change,l just found myself.
Charity Wairimu Ngugi Latz
Founder:An Encounter With God
Empathic Self Appointed Agent of Dignity for All
“Do not fear, for l have called you by name;you are mine”
These are the Words of The lord God Almighty,
to all those He summons ,and they in turn choose
to surrender to His calling.
For some time ,fully personalizing this message has
been a battle in my mind giving birth to a lack
of self-esteem, and an identity crisis. I could not fully
comprehend how l can be part and parcel of God`s
Israel family because of intellectualizing the identity
facts, that point out;”I am not an Israelite”.
These thoughts took on such a tormenting force ,I was
confused and desparate,and decided to go into solitary
retreat to be with my Creator undisturbed for I needed
to know so I prayed;”Please God, confirm to me who l am”.
The answer came with one single revealation.
“Israel does not always have a geographical or
ethnic meaning”It is Deeper,Bigger and Greater.
I knew this,but I had never fully comprehended,and
now a full light shown in answer to my fears.
“Do I really believe that I am an Israelite?”
“Does this definition “called “include me?”
“Does He really care and know me by name?”
“Am I His?”
Yes!I was His was the answer. The assurance and
my testimony which l choose to share with you.
I now fully believe He has called me by name ,at
this present ime and space, here and now to obey
and to act without fear,in freedom,authentically and
responsibly.I owe my allegiance only to One God .
God is in control of everything and in my life there
are no coincidences or luck.
Israel is the you or me who hears Gods calling and
saving ways through Jesus Christ and receives
this news with joy.He who accepts Gods Word as
true and pure,that God exists and is The
Divine Spirit living in you and me .We are the Israelites,
His children,loved and called by His Name.
l am enlightened,for I know without a single iota of
doubt that l am His child.
“When you (Wairimu ) pass through the waters l will
be with you.And when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you. When you walk through
the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set
O yes!l have witnessed this:God has never allowed me
to be swept away dead ,buried in some forgotten desert,
garbage pit or toxic relationship.He has not allowed me to
be burnt to ashes and to die without first proclaiming
that Jesus is the Lord of my life, my Saviour, my Shield
and l bow my knee in worship and praises.He reigns
as I physically walk in leaps, limps, tears, laughter,
thrive or strive.
The Blood of Jesus shed at Calvary has given His
children a full identity to walk and work on earth.
” God so loved the world that He gave His Only
Begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall
not perish but shall have Eternal life”-(John 3.16)
You won´t believe it!
What if l told you an inside?
What if l told you tomorrow a war would
break out right outside your door step?
What if l told you that tomorrow night you
would Not have a roof over your head to call
home or own a single functioning electronic
What if l told you that tomorrow you would
lose a loved one? or lose a limb ?or lose your life?
What if l told you that tomorrow there would be
No open shop.no open bank,no open office,no
open supermarket,no open gas-station, no open
cafe,no open internet facility, no open bars and
clubs or restaurant,no open schools.
What if l told you that the train stations,bus
stations,taxis, matatus, lorries or any form of
transportation including airflights would not be
What if l told you that you would want to sing
a hymn or pray out loudly to God ,but you would
be unable to, numb with fright, with trembling,
quivering legs running to nowhere ,anywhere and
everywhere,to escape that loud mob and commotion
headed in your direction?
What if l told you that tomorrow you would have
nothing to eat or drink, for the looters have destroyed
the water tanks and looted all your food stores.
What if l told you that you will Not run to your next door
neighbour for shelter for they are either on the run or
they are the enemy, armed with machettes, stones, knives,
guns,bow and arrows ..
What if l told you that the only cries you will hear,will
be that of your daughters,sisters,wives and mothers
crying out in terror, as they are raped by the mobs,
and all you can do is scramble,catching a glimpse of
butchered,torn, body parts of your fathers, brothers ,
What if l told you that this could be the last time you
read a text, used the internet, listened to the radio or
watched the television news because you have been
cut off from the rest of the world?
What if l told you that this particular scenario is playing
out today in my country Kenya in Elgeyo Marakwet
county where women and children have sought refuge
in the caves of Chesongoch and Chesetan, and are still
under threats of snake bites and wild animals.
What if l told you that as l write this l am watching live
bombing of Aleppo with tankers and machine guns,
buildings crushed to the ground,and whole towns
deserted with a scattering few fighters left behind to
defend what they once called home.
What if l told you that nobody loves war and nobody
ever imagines it could happen in their country let
alone happen in their homestead.
What if l told you this is the reality and war is possible
anywhere in the world and even migrating is not a
But Listen, You and me can stop War!
We can stop wars With Words of Love.
Silence or being neutral, compromising with injustice,
corruption , greed , hatred ,theft brings war.
Words have the Power to bring a change from worst,
to better and soon good.
Words of love can win souls where all other methods
such as bribery,force ,manipulation and threats fail.
Words of love have the power to mend a broken heart
and replace hatred with love.
Forgiveness is key!What if l told you….
War does not have to happen!
What if I told you that our purpose on earth is not to kill
one another,or hunt one another down.
What if l told you that we can start afresh today by
making a conscious effort to love our Creator,honor
and love God with all our hearts,all our mind,all our
soul and all our strength.
It is a fact that God is Love. If we pray to Him ,He is able
to change our way of thinking, so that we can see how
beautiful our land and neighbour is.
War is possible and yet with our right actions it is impossible!
We need a joint,global action that says No to war!.Say NO to
any form of corruption ,division or hatred talk.
Peace starts with me before l can come to you.
Together we are stronger as we build a nation that says;
“I Love my neighbour just as I love myself!”
What if l told you tomorrow will be peaceful, you will watch
your child playing with your neighbours child,you will share
a meal with your neighbour, the orphaned children ,the widow,
the sick and the elderly and each person will be their brothers keeper.
What if l told you l respect and love you.
What if I told you, we have just hindered war tomorrow